Can Anyone Perform an Appendectomy?

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In the olden days, purchased products were accompanied by instruction manuals. I realize that this anachronistic item will be unknown to today’s technophiles who direct Alexa to turn up the heat or play Sinatra songs during dinner.  Permit me, as a courtesy to them, to offer a working definition.

Instruction Manual:   A printed document that explains how to operate and maintain the new item.  I realize this sounds quaint to the Gen XYZ crowd, but we antiquarians relied upon these instructions regularly.  Yes, there was overkill.  We likely didn’t need to be advised that to make toast, we should simply slide a slice of bread into either of the two designated slots. But often we did need an operational road map.  If you bought a lawn mower or a power tool, and you were a novice, then you needed to understand what the different controls and settings were used for lest you end up in the emergency room. 

All of this was LBY, aka Life Before YouTube, if you can even imagine that such an era actually existed.

A few days before writing this, my new watch was delivered to my front door.  I had decided to break out of my bland comfort zone by selecting a jazzy metal band instead of a traditional leather strap.  Clearly, no instruction manual would be necessary.  After all, I’ve owned dozens of watches and already knew how to tell time quite well.  I placed the watch on my wrist eagerly and discovered that it was too loose.  As a watch maven, I knew what needed to be done.

Problem:  Watch band is too loose

Solution: Tighten watch band.

I studied the band closely paying special attention to the moving parts of the clasp, but alas, the solution was out of reach. I recruited the assistance of my partner, who is more mechanically skilled than I, but she, too, was not equal to the task.  We brainstormed and reviewed our options.

Option 1:  Return the watch, which is clearly defective.

Option 2:  Regift the timepiece to a young person who would likely crack the watch band code instinctively.

Option 3:  Call the customer service 1-800 number.  (Okay, stop laughing now.)

Option 4: Consult the internet.

We pursued the last option and watched a 1-minute video that explained the metal watch band adjustment process.  I can state with unwavering confidence that without internet assistance, I would have never have been able to divine the solution.  With this on line assist, the mission was accomplished.  I was so proud of this mechanical tour de force that you might have thought I had split the atom in my garage.

I am now ready to extend this personal growth to my professional arena.

Whistleblower: “Jim, I think your appendix needs to come out.”

Jim:  “Okay, are you going to refer me to a surgeon?’

Whistleblower:  “No, I can handle it myself.”

Jim:  “Really?  But you’re not a surgeon.  Have you ever done one?”

Whistleblower:  “Not yet.  No need to worry.  I’ll be using Option 4.”