Where's the Civility in Everyday Life?

Here follows a true vignette from a few years ago.  After giving a patient the pleasure of a colonoscopy, I left the hospital and headed for my office.  As there was 45 minutes until my first office patient was due to arrive, I stopped at a coffee shop for my default hot beverage - café mocha.  I strongly prefer independent coffee shops and routinely will take a long drive to reach one. 

I approached the counter and discovered that my phone, always holstered in the inside pocket of my sport jacket, was AWOL.  For many folks, especially physicians, their smart phones are beyond essential.  It serves as my pager, my appointment calendar and my communication nexus.  It is a portal to the medical site that we doctors consult for difficult cases – Wikipedia!  It is my lifeline to my offices and the hospitals I serve.  Sure, my brain may still be functioning even when I am phoneless, but the phone  supplies the fuel and power to make it all happen.  Your auto mechanic may be a knowledgeable professional, but without his toolbox…

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I asked the teenager behind the counter if I might borrow the phone to verify that my own phone was safe and secure.  I did not identify myself as a doctor – which I never do – as this was not relevant.  She seemed slightly hesitant with respect to this innocent request, which I attributed to her youth and inexperience in life.  By her expression, one might have thought that I had asked her to empty the cash register and place all the paper money in a brown paper bag.  Clearly, this issue was above her pay grade so she consulted with the proprietor.  Request denied!  The phone was for the business only.  I was shocked.  A slow burn started to simmer within me.

I asked the customer behind me in line if I might borrow his phone.  With no hesitation, he ran out to his truck and brought me his device.  After my 10 second call, I returned his phone with my thanks.

That’s the last café mocha, or any other beverage, that I will purchase in this establishment.  I contemplated expressing my displeasure to the owner, but decided against it. 

Where’s the civility?  Where’s the kindness?  Even if he were not inclined to do the right thing for the right reason, one would think he would fake it in order to please a paying customer.  Loaning a stranger a phone isn’t an act deserving of great praise.  Refusing to do so, however, is more newsworthy.

I have always felt that small vignettes give a wide view into someone’s character, especially when the person doesn’t know he is being watched. 

I’m not suggesting that I am more civil or generous or charitable than anyone else.  Of course, there have been many times that people have seen me miss the mark.  I think and hope that my aim has improved somewhat over the years.   Or, maybe a kind person has simply set up a bigger target for me to shoot at.