Whistleblower Looks Ahead to 2016

At the end of every year, the airwaves compete for our attention on programming that ‘looks back’ at the past year.

People we’ve lost in 2015.

The 10 biggest news stories of 2015.

The greatest gaffes of the past year.

Stories that made us cry in 2015.

Year-end magazine issues follow the same playbook.

Whistleblower doesn’t look back.

Whistleblower Eschews Rear-view Mirror

I suppose there is a public appetite for retrospectovision since, as we all know, the media’s mission is to serve up what we demand. The newspaper adage, ‘if it bleeds, it leads’, is more a comment on us than it is on the journalism profession. We are vampires who look to media for our next blood meal.

Looking ahead is tougher since it’s quite a bit easier to chronicle known facts than it is to predict and guess. But, isn’t this a more worthy task? How do these story proposals grab you?

People we’ll lose in 2016. (Not serious, just want to assure you’re paying attention.)

Why CNN will abandon the omnipresent banner –BREAKING NEWS – in 2016.

Hillary Clinton pledges no e-mailing in 2016. Will rely upon carrier pigeons for all classified communications.

Obama announces bold new ISIS 2016 strategy. Will no longer ‘contain’, but will now ‘restrain’ the jihadist group.

U.S. Airlines announce new 2016 policy to serve customers better. While the commodious seats have already been narrowed with the pitch reduced (this means just try to lean your chair back), economy seats will now be upholstered with carpet tacks with the pointy ends facing upwards poised to pierce travelers’ posteriors. Leaving aside questions of hygiene, by industrial engineers have designed these barbs so they will not cause significant blood loss, unless there is air turbulence, which would be God's fault. Why are they doing this? This comports to their philosophy of only charging customers for what they want. For example, if a traveler does not want enough legroom to accommodate the average sized legs of a 6-year-old child, then why should he pay for it? Similarly, focus group testing has demonstrated that some passengers enjoy the carpet tack experience. For them, there will be no surcharge. Why should these thick skinned travelers have to pay for an upgrade that they do not want? Any traveler who wishes to pay for a smooth seat, is free to do so. In line with their reasonable pricing policies, the upgrade costs $35 if requested when your ticket is booked, $75 at the gate and $150 when you reach your seat.

Safe travels to all. Wishing you all the best in the coming year.

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