I don’t come here for their food and drink. I come in spite of them. I buy a drink and consider this my rent for the time and space.
I am put off that one can’t use traditional English when requesting a specific beverage size here. Is there something wrong with the conventional terms small, medium and large? You won’t hear me utter the highfalutin descriptions tall, grande or vente. If I want a medium hot chocolate, my usual purchase, then those will be my chosen words.
At Dunkin Donuts, where coffee is velvet, the staff sport T-shirts emblazoned with the statement:
Friends Won’t Let Friends Drink Starbucks.
This should replace In God We Trust as our national motto.
Yet, this place is packed. The car line at the drive through was a dozen cars long. Folks will wait 20 minutes in line to buy an overpriced beverage that could be used as industrial insecticide.
How do they do it?
I wish my office waiting room could lure crowds like this. Perhaps, I have a chronic case of Frappuccino envy. There’s brilliant marketing and branding going on in the guts of Starbucks. As a gastroenterologist, I’m supposed to know something about guts, yet I admit that I am mystified. They have convinced us that this is the hip place to hang out, and we march to them like lemmings. It reminds me of the cosmetics industry, which has masterfully convinced us to pay too much money for stuff we don’t need.
A Lemming Craving Caffeine
Medicine is a different beast, but maybe we private practitioners can learn a few things from these marketing mavens.
I need to start revising my medical terminology.
The Old Loser Term The New Cool Hip Lingo
You need a colonoscopy May I offer you a Colonoscopuccino?
You have a large ulcer You got a Vente Gastriato Macchiato
Skip hemorrhoid creams. Go No Whip!
Perhaps, I can partner with these guys. Anyone who manages to get their stuff down their gullet will surely need a gastroenterologist.