Sunday, April 1, 2012

Whistleblower Releases Top Ten News Stories: Nation Shocked!

My research staff at Whistleblower, which is me, scours the news each week so that I may deliver to my tens of thousands of readers, or at least a few dozen including family, pithy profundities. Here are some news items that were leaked to us by high level sources whose identities we will zealously protect for as long as their monthly payments to us continue. Here’s our top ten list. Let the whistle blow!


Whistleblower Researcher

  • Obama admits he voted for George Bush in 2000.
  • Residency training regulations modified at NYC hospital. House staff is now required to work a full 7 days without sleep to maximize continuity of care and to reduce hand off errors.
  • American College of Radiology argues that CAT scanning is underused and that thousands of incidentalomas are being missed.
  • Pay-for-Performance model will now be applied to elected officials. Physicians will design the quality metrics.
  • Medicare will now cover the cost of any treatment that a patient believes is medically necessary. Medicare may appeal the decision, which will be decided by the patient’s family.
  • American Bar Association announces strong support for caps on non-economic damages. When asked if they now admit that the medical malpractice system was unfair, abusive and unjust, they responded, “yup”.
  • FDA requires that the consumer cost of every prescription drug not exceed $1 per dose. Pharmaceutical companies concerned over loss of R & D revenue were reassured. Their profits will explode, our government explained, as Canadians will turn south for cheap medicines.
  • Physicians can now receive fees for referring patients to medical colleagues just like lawyers now do with clients.
  • Gastroenterologists, cardiologists, ophthalmologists and dermatologists volunteer to transfer 25% of their income to family physicians and internists because fairness feels good.
  • Obama reassures the public about our stagnant economy. “I will do for our economy exactly what I did for health care.”
Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice…

Happy April Fool’s Day! Now, go pull a fast one on someone. If you’re not sure how to do this, and you need expert advice, call your senator or congressman. These fools are pros.

5 comments:

John said...

This is a very beautiful and interesting research
The most educating one i have read today!




GED Online

rapnzl rn said...

Touche'!

Toni Brayer, MD said...

Love it. I wish some of them were true!

El said...

US Health Care Now Affordable and No Longer Ranked 37th in the world,

US doctors are regulated much in the same way other professionals are.

Nosocomial infections are now rare.

Doctors adhere to the Hippocratic Oath.

Weight loss surgery is banned.

Rick Scott is sentenced to death.

Snipers take out the CEO and executives at Bristol Meyers Squibb.

Iatrogenic deaths continue to decline and doctor deaths continue to rise.

RNwhocares said...

LOL!

Excellent article for April Fools Day.

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