As is often pointed out on this blog, I know nothing about the law, rules of evidence or even the most rudimentary aspects of American jurisprudence. So, I need some help from lawyerly readers. Below is my list of potential defendants to blame, if I were to get sick in Central America. I’m sure I have overlooked many ripe targets, and I hope that you will comment on my oversights.
Kirsch vs ?
- The vaccine manufacturer. Obviously they are at fault becauseI did not experience a perfect outcome.
- The Republic of Costa Rica: The government should have sterilized the country.
- My Mom: She did not provide me with adequate immunity. (Pssst, Mom, we can split the recovery.)
- My Wife: The vaccines were administered by her staff. Clearly, they messed up. (Sorry, honey, business is business.)
- The Salmonella Germ: I haven’t figured out how to initiate this lawsuit, or to collect afterwards, so I really appreciate some pro bono advice from any erudite juris doctors.
- God: He could have turned the germ into a pillar of salt, as he boldly did to Lot’s wife in Genesis. Wow, a lawsuit against the Omipotent? Now, that would be 'divine justice'!
Of course, my fervent hope is to remain germ free. I certainly would not want to get sick just to have access to someone else’s cash. It doesn’t seem fair to make someone compensate me for an event that was not his fault. Who could defend a system like this?